One of the advanced offerings at La Crisalida is Transformational Coaching, which is a 2 to 3 hour session with John, one of the retreat owners and founders. The sessions start with the question “If you had a magic wand, what would you wish for by the end of this session?” and whatever your answer is the goal for the session! Transformational coaching can bring about profound change, in one or all areas of your life.
Over the nine years we have been running, John has been offering transformational coaching at the retreat. He has worked with hundreds of guests, with sessions covering many areas, and many problems that people have experienced. In this article John explains what transformational coaching is and shares a small selection of stories and case studies so that you can see and share what some of the outcomes from his transformational coaching sessions can be.
How can I feel after a transformational coaching session?
If you wonder how you might feel after a transformational coaching session with John, these are just a few of the recent comments from guests:
“I can put myself first!”
“I have more belief in myself”
“I got rid of my anger!”
“I feel more positive”
“I refocused on my values”
“I got a release; I feel lighter and brighter”
“I found freedom and self-belief”
“I got clarity, closure, acceptance, gratitude, contentment, knowledge – it was really powerful – enlightening, soul searching, unexplainable, indescribable”
“Transformative, eye opening – I got a release, I feel lighter, I have clarity”
John’s background includes professional training and certification in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), The Demartini Method, Life Coaching, Hypnosis, Actuarial, together with a first- class degree in Maths and Physics (University of Manchester). John has developed his unique and highly effective coaching method as a fusion between all the above over a period of more than fifteen years. Every session is different because every person is different. The Transformational Coaching sessions complement the La Crisalida Programme as they help explore the areas of Mindset, Environment, Education and Connection. Sometimes clients also explore Nutrition, Exercise and Self-Care too, in their coaching sessions.
How does transformational coaching differ to traditional counselling?
The typical counselling model or therapy model is one of a victim and perpetrator. Unfortunately, assuming that you were a victim of something that was “bad” or “wrong” reinforces the model. In Transformational Coaching we often work on changing perspectives of past events so we can see that we were never a “victim” in the first place. This can give you more control, a different perspective and/or a sense of power to lead and bring about change in your own life
John always says that clients that get the most out of their Transformational Coaching Sessions are those who can surrender the notion of (consciously) “knowing” what they should be doing to resolve their challenge and leave it to the expertise of the coach to find the real (unconscious) root. This requires an openness, honesty and vulnerability which is possible with John. The cause is rarely conscious, as if that was so, the client would already have resolved the issue. The cause usually lies in unconscious beliefs or “errors” in perception which, based upon the resources they have available, the client is usually unable to resolve on their own. For those looking for serious change, issues can normally only be resolved quickly with the help of a transformational coach or over a longer period of time for those willing to work on themselves.
Sometimes (many times!) what we might think is the problem actually turns out to be something else completely! And making a change to one belief, or area of life, can also bring change to other parts.
What is Transformational Coaching?
Transformational coaching is a deep process that helps transform the following types of issues into a sense of clarity and resolution in normally just one or two sessions. You can:
- Work through complex issues that have taken up too much head space for too long
- Resolve self-sabotaging behaviours and clear out the issues that are holding you back
- Find meaning and purpose again, if you are struggling with the direction of your life
- Overcome a chronic sense of grief or loss, particularly of a loved one and find your mojo again
- Re-create a vision for your life after significant emotional events
- Transform a chronic lack of self-confidence or self-worth into self-love and self-acceptance
- Integrate internal or external conflicts which can feel like they are tearing you apart
- Heal relationships with family and romantic partners, rebuilding trust and allowing you to release emotional distress.
- Release deep anger (rage), bitterness, hurt, fear or guilt to feel light and centred once again
- Understand why we can feel like a “victim” and change your perspective on events by seeing the hidden order and how events have benefitted you
- Release the blocks caused by chronic blame for previous events on self or others.
- Release and resolve trauma from any form of bullying or abuse, to trust others (and yourself) again (this work is normally done in two sessions)
- Resolve and release tendencies for self-harming behaviours or suicidal thoughts
- Dissolve chronic anxiety and/or depression (this work is normally done in two sessions)
- Understand your addictions and shed light on the unconscious patterns driving your behaviours (we find the source of your addictions, note this work can take longer than two sessions and not all clients are accepted)
- Understand and release the cause of chronic phobias or obsessive-compulsive behaviours impacting significantly on your life
Transformational coaching case studies
Below we share some case studies – from real people who have done a transformational coaching session. We have shared some of the questions that were asked during these sessions – if any resonate with you, maybe pick up a pen and a journal to make some notes on your reaction(s) and explore your own internal world.
Client names have been changed and some details have been amended to preserve confidentiality.
Case Study: Alice – Dealing with criticism, fear of getting things wrong
Alice explained that she struggled with feeling judged and criticised by others and had a fear of getting things wrong. When I asked her if she had a magic wand what she would wish for, she said she wanted to be confident in her own abilities, free to be herself, and free of the fear of being judged, making a fool of herself and “getting things wrong”.
With Alice, we needed to address the significant self-judgement – that even judging herself she was getting it wrong! I took Alice through a series of questions linked to the assumption that all events are neutral, it´s just our mind that associates a positive or negative emotion based upon our interpretation of an event.
Sometimes the questions in Transformational Coaching are non-standard/surprising, to enable the client to loosen up self-defeating and unbalanced perspectives. For example, a key question for Alice was what were the benefits of being judged (and even criticised)? We also explored the benefits of having self-doubt, benefits of playing herself down and of people being disappointed in her.
We then went deeper into what were the perceived problems with being judged. We got to the issues of vulnerability and her associated memories as a child. We eventually arrived at a core belief that we could release in the session which was “I am not good enough”.
For clients working to release the belief that they are not good enough (or similar beliefs related to not being worthy) often discover that there are missing “resources” such as self-belief, self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, independence and strength. During this process, clients often realise that it was a perception or assumption made years ago (often as a child) are carried around in the unconscious. Once you are able to see your own self-worth these assumptions or perceptions from the past can be released.
With Alice we were able to integrate these types of resources and she was then able to release the belief (and associated emotions) that she wasn´t good enough.
Case Study: Charlie – Relationships and self-worth
Background: Charlie had dissolved resentment about many things from her past through working hard on herself.
Her main goal for the session was to get clarity and make a decision regarding her relationship –her mojo had gone and she wanted to work on resolving her confusion over whether to stay or leave the relationship.
In most transformational coaching sessions the first part is a series of questions to help to pin-point and clarify some of the issues. With Charlie it emerged that there was also some unresolved sense of loss from leaving her previous relationship.
When we have a new relationship it can feel like we are gaining new things and when we have a relationship break up it can feel like we are losing some of these things. The Demartini Method adopts the assumption that when change occurs we don’t gain or lose anything – it just changes form. An example of one of the things that seemed “lost” after ending her previous relationship was emotional support. Once Charlie realised that there was emotional support available after her previous relationship break-up the regret of ending the relationship dissolved.
During the session it also became clear that there were quite a few unresolved emotional issues which needed to be resolved for Charlie to get the clarity and sense of freedom she was after. When there is a lot of emotion, the Transformational Coaching sessions often include an “emotional cleanse” process to dissolve unresolved emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt. In these sessions we identify “resources” that are required to release each emotion and we gave Charlie access to them via specialist work integrating them internally. The type of resources typically identified include love, comfort, safety, protection, self-worth, self-esteem, independence, strength, trust and stability.
At the end of the session Charlie reported feeling much calmer and more reassured about the right relationship decision for her and was ready to move on with her life.
Case Study: Alex – Life direction and decision making
Alex came to his session to get clear on the direction of his life. He felt too young to be living where he was and his relationship had broken up a few months before but he felt he was earning good money and had friends. As we explored the issues, it became clear that Alex would benefit from work empowering his self-belief.
In these types of situations, the client can benefit from exploring their dreams. With Alex we started by considering where he would like his life to be in 10 years. In starting to create a vision for your life, it can also be useful to open up possibilities using open questioning techniques, which we use in traditional life coaching. With Alex, we explored statements such as “if I was super brave then I would….” and “if I had 100% belief in myself I would….”. We also explored perceptions on what Alex thought he was in control of and what he wasn´t in control of.
Many people in Alex’s situation can end up beating themselves up and overly comparing themselves to others because they assume that being “stuck” or “confused” is not serving them. In transformational coaching, we can dissolve self-pity and self-defeating behaviours by probing the “unconscious mind” with a few simple (usually unexpected) questions. For Alex, to help dissolve any self-resentment we explored the question: “What are some of the benefits of not believing in yourself”.
The questioning identified some of the core issues that were leading to inner conflict and lack of clarity for Alex.
Quite often Transformational Coaching questioning reveals unconscious inner conflicts. We can identify two polar opposites in our psyche – for example a part that wants to give up (powerless part) and a part that wants to change the world (powerful part). In these circumstances we carry out a parts integration using specialist techniques grounded in Nuero-Linguistic Programming.
With Alex, there were two parts. There was a part of him that was a “victim” (feeling sorry for himself, disempowered) and an opposite empowered part that felt he could do what he wanted. The issue with a lack of clarity was largely down to the fact that these parts were fighting within him internally.
Making change: transformational coaching and life makeover retreats
As you can see from these case studies, each transformational coaching session can be very different. However, they are all similar in one respect: by the end of the session(s) the individual acquires the resources and resolution they needed to make the change(s) they want to make.
Growth and change is a natural part of life, retreats and workshops can support you in this process. One element that makes coming on retreat different to going on a standard holiday is that the time and environment provides an ideal space and time for self-reflection. Our life makeover retreats and life makeover workshops are an important part of this.
How to book transformational coaching
Transformational coaching is currently available online via Zoom or at the retreat (face to face). More information can be found on our website: coaching at La Crisalida Retreats.
If you feel that a Transformational Coaching session would benefit you, then please contact email@example.com to set up an online session with John. Alternatively, you can pay a visit to the retreat and if John is in-house you can arrange a face-to-face session with him.
Any questions, do let us know!
About the author
- John is one of the founders of La Crisalida Retreats. He is a life and success coach, Transformational Coach and a master trainer in NLP. He leads our life makeover programme as well as overseeing the retreats.
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